Exploring Choice Theory and Reality Therapy

By Allan J. Hirshey

Choice Theory (CT) and Reality Therapy (RT) aren’t exactly household names, nor do they have NLP’s (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) mystique.  The “brainchilds” of psychiatrist, William Glasser, RT and CT first entered the cognitive behavior psychology scene in the early 1960’s. CT is Glasser’s theory of human behavior psychology - that we choose our behaviors to satisfy five basic internal generic driven needs (survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun).  RT is the counseling process of CT.  Or simply put, CT is the “track” that guides RT, and RT is the “train” that runs on the CT “track.”

  

RT began in the early 1960’s at the Los Angeles Veterans’ Hospital, where Glasser was doing his residency in psychiatry. There, he became frustrated with low staff morale, and low patient recovery and discharge rates, blaming them on the facility’s practice of conventional (Freudian) psychoanalysis. Encouraged by his mentor, the renowned psychiatrist, D.L. Harrington, Glasser experimented with his own treatment philosophy and approaches. As a result, patient recovery and discharge rates increased, and a new form of therapy, RT, was born.

What are the differences between CT/RT and conventional (Freudian) psychoanalysis?  CT/RT reject the following Freudian principles: the existence and treatment of an identifiable mental illness; the “transference” concept, which elevates the psychiatrist to a “guru” role, while degrading the patient to a “follower” figure; probing into a patient’s childhood to uncover past mental inadequacies; “carte blanche” acceptance of immoral (patient) behavior; and the absence of teaching patients new and healthier behavior options for present and future needs.

CT is based on an earlier engineering known as Control Theory (COT), a system of brain control, developed by a scientist, William T. Powers. COT posits that the human brain functions like a thermostat/furnace, seeking to regulate its own behavior, in order to change and adjust to the world around it.  Glasser later expanded COT by adding his behavior theory (five needs), and then adapted it to the clinical and educational settings. His prior chemical engineering background made this adaptation possible. In 1996, he changed Control Theory’s name to “Choice Theory,” to distinguish his revised expanded version from Powers original engineering concept, and because CT posits that we choose our behaviors.  

CT is built on three important CT concepts - “total” behavior, the “quality world” (QW), and the “perceived world” (PW).  Throughout life, we continuously store a collection of specific want related needs in our inner minds. They are specific mental pictures of people, treasured possessions, and life experiences that are need satisfying. Moreover, they are extremely pleasurable, appealing, and high quality. The conglomeration of these pictures is the world a person wants to live in, his/her “Shangri-La.”  In CT lingo, this is called the “quality world” (QW).

During our lives, we also accumulate thousands of perceptions which are stored in the brain’s PW.  CT posits that our perceptions provide us with our inner reality - they are how we see the world.  Furthermore, we continuously seek perceptions (PW) to determine if what we want (QW picture) we are getting from the outside world (environment). Initially, the brain tells us what specific inner want (QW picture) needs to be satisfied.  Subsequently, we choose a behavior (interact with the environment) to get a desired perception (PW) or input to satisfy the specific inner want (QW picture). 

The desired perception, an outside experience or event, is then inputted into our sensory system (skin, eyes, ears, nose, and mouth).  Next, it flows through the brain’s perception system, where it’s processed by the knowledge filter, followed by the value filter. If the knowledge filter recognizes the perception, the value filter assigns it either a positive or negative value. A positive valued perception means that a person perceives (PW) that what he/she wants (QW picture) they are getting from the outside world. The need is met. 

 

Conversely, a negative valued perception means that a person doesn’t perceive that what he/she wants they are getting from the environment. Thus, the PW and QW picture don’t match, they are unaligned. Therefore, the gap (frustration) between the PW and QW picture motivates the person to interact again with the environment to close the difference. Glasser further posits that behavior is the paramount activity we do from birth till death. Moreover, he terms behavior “total”, because in addition to the doing aspect, there are three other elements - thinking (rationalizing and fantasizing), feeling (stressed-out, happy, etc.) and physiology (breathing, digesting. etc.).

For example, I need to lose a lot of weight, so I enroll in Weight Watchers. Three weeks later, my bathroom scale indicates significant weight loss.  My behavior is total, analyzed as follows: thinking (self-talk - “I want to lose weight”); doing (enrolling in Weight Watchers); physiological (dieting); and feeling (personal satisfaction and comfort of losing weight). Thus, the positive perception (PW) of what I have (less weight) matches what I want (QW picture), to be slimmer.       

CT posits that prolonged and unfulfilled intensive inner wants can cause irrational behavior - addiction, juvenile delinquency, and suicide. Worse yet, irrational behavior can infringe upon other peoples’ rights - bodily injury, property damage, and child/spousal abuse. Glasser further theorizes that love and belonging is the most critical need - being disconnected from this need is the primary cause of mental illness. However, he accepts mental illness as causing irrational behavior, but only if a pathologist verifies the existence of organic mental disease.   

In a nutshell, the application of the RT process involves a sequence of questions, followed by the development of a client “work out” or rehabilitation plan. The therapist first asks the client what he or she wants (QW).  Next, the client is asked what he or she is doing (behavior) to get what they want. Then, the client is asked if his/her current behavior is getting them what they want. Assuming that the client acknowledges needing help to satisfy certain unfulfilled needs, he/she agrees to work with the therapist to developed a realistic “workout plan. ” They work together on a “level playing field” basis.  Moreover, the therapist doesn’t probe into the client’s childhood, because RT posits that the client isn’t limited by whatever happened in the past.      

Since the early 1960’s, RT/CT have grown out of the therapist’s office into other areas such as the business world (lead management) and marriage counseling.  Moreover, Glasser’s interests in child psychiatry and schooling also led him to formulate CT/RT to fit the educational setting. In this connection he posits that alienated/at risk youth don’t experience the same amount of need satisfaction as their successful student peers.  Therefore, his vision of a “quality school” (QS) is an institution providing alienated/at risk youth with a sense of safety, belonging, self-worth, freedom, and fun (five basic needs). To this end, he encourages teachers, parents, and school principals to take CT classes in classroom and student behavioral management. 

   

Furthermore, Glasser strongly nixes external control psychology (“my way or the highway”). Instead, QS students are empowered to openly discuss discipline, behavior, and related issues without fear of intimidation. However, QS teachers can openly confront misbehaving students requiring them (in writing) to evaluate their behaviors. During this process, they follow Glasser’s formal “nine step” question and evaluation guidelines. But continuous misbehavior isn’t unlimited - it can lead to expulsion.    

Interestingly, the Sudbury School model, a QS byproduct, allows its students to decide how to spend their day.  Some QS classroom management strategies include dividing students into small academic teams, the circular desk classroom configuration, and the “castle” or “let it all out and then leave it place.” The latter is an isolated area set aside for students experiencing attention and behavior difficulties. And under Glasser’s “quality curriculum,” high school students majoring in technology and the vocational arts can elect to skip studying Shakespeare.   

In conclusion, Maslow’s and Glasser’s five needs are somewhat similar. In both cases, their physiological and love and belonging needs are the same. But whereas Maslow’s needs are hierarchical, Glasser’s needs are all considered equal, like legs balancing a chair.

Does Glasser’s QS concept work, or is it ”pie in the sky”?  Is it the teacher’s responsibility to ensure that students “ain’t misbehavin”?  Is the Sudbury School model’s basic “spare the rod and spoil the child “approach realistic?  Past studies conducted on several secondary QS programs have indicated progress in student behavior and academic achievement. However, those studies were inconclusive. So the “jury is still out” on the effectiveness issue. Secondly, there’s the matter of the cost issue. The past studies previously mentioned were conducted on specially funded QS programs during the 1990’s, when the U.S. economy was more robust. Absent private philanthropy, it’s doubtful today that the average U.S. public school system can afford to pay for more evaluations or finance new QS programs.

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A retired financial analyst, Allan has been living in Israel for eight years. Writing social science articles, learning part-time in a yeshiva, voluntary tutoring and counseling, and playing tennis take up most of his time.

Exploring the World of NLP

by Allan J. Hirshey

A retired financial analyst, Allan has been living in Israel for eight years. Writing social science articles, learning part-time in a yeshiva, voluntary tutoring and counseling, and playing tennis take up most of his time. 

You’ve probably heard the term “NLP” at academic venues and social events. But do you really know what it is? If not, then this brief summary will provide a general framework and enhance your NLP vocabulary.

NLP began in the early 1970’s at the University of California, at Santa Cruz. The co-creators were Richard Bandler, a gestalt psychologist, and John Grinder, a professor of linguistics. Bandler wanted to find out what made certain psychotherapists more effective than their peers.  He then teamed up with Grinder to discover the “magic” of three eminent psychotherapists - Fritz Perls (father of Gestalt Therapy), Virginia Satir (mother of Family Therapy), and Milton Erickson (father of Clinical Hypnotherapy).  Grinder and Bandler modeled the language skills demonstrated by these therapists.  As a result, they created several models of excellence and a new form of psychotherapy, called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).

Understanding NLP is made easier by focusing on its three terms or systems. Neuro refers to the mind or brain, how we think, and to our five senses. Linguistic refers to language, how we use it and the way it affects us. Programming relates to our emotions and behavior, resulting from the interaction of the mind and language. All three of these systems “glued” together can be likened to a human communication model - inputting, processing, and outputting information brought in from the outside world (reality) or “territory”. 

The mind makes “sense’ of the world by creating representations of pictures, sounds, and words and generating feelings, tastes, and smells.  What we see, hear, touch, taste, and smell in the world is inputted into the brain as a “sense experience”. The latter is then filtered by our meta programs (habitual ways of thinking), memories, value, beliefs, decisions, and culture and backgrounds.

The filters affect the “sense” experience by deleting (selectively omitting), distorting (selectively weighting), and generalizing (making decisions based on one experience) it. Afterwards, the “‘sense” experience is then shaped into an internalized experience, representation, map, or model of one’s world. The map is then combined with a physiology (heartbeat, breathing level, etc.) to form an emotional state (angry, depressed, terrified, confidant, etc.). The emotional state triggers and determines one’s behavior at any given moment.  

Importantly, our maps determine how we perceive the world of reality, how we express (language) and feelings to others, and what behaviors (ways of interacting within ourselves and with others) we see available to us.  Imbalances between our personalized maps and the real world can result in emotional pain and destructive behavior patterns. The goal of NLP is to bring our unhealthy maps closer to reality, by re-mapping them.

We communicate our map feelings and perceptions with others through a two-level language representation system (deep and surface structure).  This dictum was copied from Noam Chomsky’s Transformational Grammar discipline. Chomsky posited that the deep structure represents the core semantic relation of a sentence which is mapped into a surface structure  (spoken words).  Flow-wise, the map’s language is unconsciously transformed into words from the deep structure into a surface structure.

So what does all this information tell us about NLP?  Here are some major points.

 (a) Our maps are seldom reality. Instead, they represent our internalized perceptions of the world or reality - how we feel things ought to be, rather than how they really are. We don’t experience the world, since we are always deleting, generalizing, and distorting its information.

(b) Since language is not real in the same way the experience is real, it (language) is only an abstraction of the experience. As Albert Korzybski (famous linguist who founded General Semantic discipline) posited - “the map (language) is not the territory (outside world). 

(c) The mind and the body are part of the same cybernetic loop. A change in one will affect a change in the other - there is no separate mind and no separate body. If one’s body is tense then his/her state of mind will also be tense.

(d) Two people witnessing the same experience at the same exact time can present incongruent mental states and behavior patterns. For example, identical twins wake up one morning and see a snake crawling down their open bedroom window. One twin might remain “cool, calm & collective”, phoning the local animal control center. But the other might go “totally ballistics”, screaming and throwing every object in sight at the reptile.

(e) Similar to actual road maps, if our maps are too restrictive, the more difficult it will be to find our “destinations”.  Limited choices of behaviors (ways of interacting within ourselves and with others) can lead to serious mental problems. Therefore, the people presenting the greatest number and flexibility of behaviors navigate through life more smoothly.

A few NLP “tools” designed to re-map unhealthy maps are now briefly described.

Meta Model - the therapist uses an explicit set of language patterns and questions to aggressively challenge the client’s miscommunication patterns (deletions, distortions & generalizations). Therapist: “How’s your social life?” Client: “It sucks!”  Therapist:  “Why does your social life suck?” Client: “Because, I’m a loser.” Therapist: “Who says you’re a loser?” Client: “Everybody!” Therapist:  “Everybody you meet socially calls you a loser?”  “Is that really true?” Extricating the client’s deep-rooted anxieties reconnects the deletions, distortions, and generalizations to his/her original “sense” experience. Therefore, the client’s restrictive map is expanded, resulting in a more objective surface structure.

Milton Model - the therapist puts the client in a trance state via hypnotherapy.  This is done to disconnect the surface structure, making it easier for the therapist to penetrate and probe the client’s deep structure for problems and solutions. The therapist communicates with the client by using vague and expanded language patterns.  This strategy makes it easier and more comfortable for the client to find and choose words expressing his/her true feelings. In NLP lingo, making meaning of someone else’s words, by referring them to your own feelings and experiences, is called a transdrivational search.

Reframing - an approach used when the client feels disempowered, angry, and in despair.  Assuming this was caused by a sudden job loss, the therapist attempts to put a positive “spin” on the situation. This is done by focusing on the situation’s positive sides. Here, the positive sides might include finding a better job opportunity, being able to spend more time with immediate family, and having time to learn new skills in demand that pay higher salaries. Reframing advantages are minimizing fear and panic and creating empowerment feelings.

Today, NLP is a world-wide industry. No longer restricted to psychotherapy, NLP has taken off into other directions - management, business, sales, education, sports, parenting, and law.  Coming into play here is the idea that modeling analyses can also be applied to other areas, not just psychotherapy.     

Is NLP controversial?  It certainly is!  Certain NLP opponents (linguists, psychiatrists, and psychologists) claim that it can’t address learning disorders, depression, phobias, and psychosomatic illnesses.  For example, some critics claim that NLP’s “anchoring” technique (a take-off on Pavlov’s conditioned response theory - remember “Psych 101?”) doesn’t hold up.  Worse yet, some academics claim that NLP’s title, concepts, and practices can’t be validly tested.

In summary, the NLP “industry” needs to tighten up the accreditation of its practitioners and the literature they produce. Furthermore, the “industry” needs to refute the pseudo-science accusations made against it, by demonstrating that its foundations, concepts, and practices are valid.  Establishing a recognized central authority would be a start in the right direction.  

Well, that’s my internalized representation of NLP.  You’re entitled to yours!

"Coaching" - A Different Connotation and Application Today

By Allan J. Hirshey

Allan J. Hirshey (LLB, MS) is a former U.S.Government financial analyst, and business lecturer (adjunct faculty) at a Maryland community college. Training Medicare reimbursement specialists was a major part of his career.  After making aliyah, he earned a professional counseling diploma, and studied English teaching/tutoring theory.  He writes scholarly articles on the social sciences.  Additionally, he provides voluntary English tutoring to yeshiva students, adults (through AACI) and also to disadvantaged students at a local Jerusalem community center. “Express Tutoring” is the name of his business, specializing in business English, business math, resume preparation,  job interview coaching, personal financial problems, and life counseling using Reality Therapy techniques.   

Historically, coaching has always been associated with the sports world.  Today, however, coaching has taken on a new meaning.  No longer restricted to sports, coaches are privately being hired for a variety of personal reasons.  There are dating coaches, divorce coaches, writing coaches, voice coaches, lawyer coaches, executive coaches, and the list goes on.

How does private coaching differ from athletic coaching? In private coaching, the client sets the agenda & is considered “king.”  Furthermore, the client/coach relationship takes the form of an “alliance” or partnership to meet the client’s needs.  In this “alliance”, the partners interact on a “level playing field” - an authoritative relationship doesn’t exist. Ideally, the coach guides, supports, and empowers the client to recognize and then solve his/her problem(s) - poor motivation, low self-esteem, unsatisfactory job performance, etc.  In other words, the coach doesn’t provide answers or solve the client’s problem(s).  How does this work?  

Basically, the coach uses skillful powerful, creative, and opening questioning techniques, to stimulate the client’s thought processes and to break away from his/her problem “mindsets.”  If these questioning techniques are used effectively, the client recognizes the problem(s), and then sets up appropriate personal goals, satisfactorily achieving them within realistic set time frames.   

There are also other differences.  Whereas athletic coaching is done face-to-face, private coaching is also done over the phone, including long distance and by email.  Athletic coaches are normally paid straight salaries. However, private coaches often negotiate their own fees.  In that regard, top-class business and/or executive coaches often negotiate their own remunerations, based on fixed percentages of their clients’ future profit margins.  Consequently, compared to other private coaching areas, corporate coaching is the most lucrative, financially.

How does private coaching differ from psychotherapy, mentoring, counseling, consulting, & tutoring?  Unlike professional therapists, teachers, & counselors, private coaches are not government regulated - they don’t require licenses to practice their profession.  Moreover, private coaches don’t delve into clients’ past lives trying to uncover reasons for present problems.  Some other notable differences, broken down by related disciplines, are as follows:   

Psychotherapy - therapists normally work with poorly motivated and low self-esteem clients.  In contrast, private coaches, especially, at the corporate level, work with high driving, functioning clients, who strive for more excellence. 

Mentoring - mentors are normally older, wiser, with expertise in one area.  Basically, mentors bestow their knowledge to their clients.  Therefore, the client is not solving his/her problem(s).

Counseling - similar to a therapist/client relationship, there is no “alliance.”   Instead, the counseling relationship is more hierarchical.  The counselor is “boss”, and normally solves the client’s problem(s).

Consulting - consultants are hired for their fields of expertise to solve their clients’ specific problems.  So in this relationship there is no “level playing field”, and the consultant, not the client, solves the client’s problem(s).

Tutoring – again, there is no “level playing field” - the tutor is “boss.”  The client depends on the tutor to solve his/her problem(s).    

What are some of the key qualifications needed for successful private coaching?  A background in behavior modification psychology (including NLP) is one important tool.  To specialize in business and/or executive coaching, an aspiring coach also needs to know the following:  the fundamentals of business management; how corporate organizations develop and function; and the principles of risk and crisis/conflict management.  Moreover, having an MBA degree, supplemented by management experience in such areas as marketing, corporation finance, human resources, and/or telecommunications, provide a further “competitive edge.”  

Assuming an aspiring private coach’s CV lists the above qualifications, his/her glass is only half full.  Just as crucial is his/her mastery over certain key interpersonal skills. In that regard, recent studies have identified five critical interpersonal skills needed for successful private coaching. The first is the ability to develop client rapport.  Without client rapport, a partnership or “alliance” can’t be crafted.  Here, having a condescending nature is an important asset. Second, a coach needs to have deep listening abilities at multiple levels.  Hearing what the client is not saying is just as important as hearing what the client is saying.  Third, a coach needs powerful, creative, and opening questioning skills to effectively guide the client to solve his/her own problem(s).  Coming into play here is the coach’s ability to adroitly manage the conversation, and not the client.  Fourth, a coach needs to know how to implement open and objective feedback skills to maintain an effective coach/client “alliance.”  Praising the client as much as possible strengthens implementation of the feedback process.  And fifth, a keen sense of intuition is needed to ensure that the client is staying on track and exerting the maximum effort required to achieve his/her goal(s).  Here, a coach must be careful to trust his/her intuition, but not to overly rely on it.

What’s today’s job market picture look like for private coaches?  Unfortunately, it’s pretty bleak!  Although the supply side is growing at an exponential rate, the demand remains stagnant.  Some of the major factors causing this supply/demand imbalance are as follows: little, if any, governmental regulation (no coaching license requirements); a proliferation of  coaching courses and seminars, mostly short-term in length and without realistic enrollment requirements; high global unemployment rates; and the related scarcity of jobs for recent college graduates.  

In conclusion, an aspiring private coach needs three critical tools to be effective: (a) expertise in a specific field/occupation; (b) a working knowledge of the fundamentals of behavioral modification psychology; and (c) the innate personal skills to empower people to recognize and then to solve their own problems. If anyone of these skills is deficient or lacking, particularly, (b) or (c), pursuing a private coaching career isn’t realistic.  Perhaps a consulting, mentoring, or a counseling career would make a better choice.